This week has been a difficult one for my family. A close family member was discovered at their home in what appeared to be an overdose. Overwhelming feelings of shock and sadness seem to envelope the entire family. We were supposed to have more time. More time to get them clean. More time to spend with them. More time for them to redeem themselves and their relationships that have suffered along the way. More time to show everyone that deep down they are good people. More time to show others that addiction no longer controls them…Time is up. No time left to do any of those things. All that is left is our memories whether good or bad.
Addiction is a powerful thing. We can’t fight the addiction alone. We need a powerful God to come alongside us. As I stand here in the aftermath of one person’s addiction, I realize something. This person so addicted to drugs has taught me some things, that no other person would be able to.
#1 Use your talents
We all have talents. Unfortunately, there are times when life just gets in the way. We are trying to make a living or provide for others and those talents get pushed aside for the bigger priorities. My beloved friend had a talent. He didn’t ever put it to use but it was a talent. He posessed the gift of art. He could have been an artist and found success. Even as a young child I remember watching him draw and think that they were such good drawings. Now these talents have never been seen by others outside of his close family. We may never have the talent of an artist, but we each have a talent that is ours alone. Let’s make these talents a priority to use and share them with the rest of the world.
#2 You are never too old to have to fun
Another thing he taught me was that no matter your age it is always a great time to have fun. He was always the playful sort even though now I realize it probably caused him some pain to play with us when we were younger. You see, he has always had problems with back pain. Even as he got older and more pain and discomfort came, I watched him still play with my own son. Now there was no rough-housing like back in the day but playtime was still happening as he was able. I believe that our ability to have fun is quite simply a choice. Some of us get so grown up that we are so worried about adult life things and never take the time to unwind and have fun in whatever form that takes. What we do for fun is different for everyone. For me that’s going to be playing with my kids no matter what they are doing. I want my kids to say to others “Mom was always fun, no matter what.”
#3 Self control is not sufficient
Self control is a mysterious thing. No matter how great our self control is, given the constant temptation we will all eventually give in. How many times did I have the conversation with him about how he hadn’t done anything in a while but the addiction was strong? Too many times. Self control is impossible for us to do alone. We need a mighty God to walk with us and give the strength when we have none. This has been the bright light letting me know that I cannot do this alone. I need help if I want to beat temptation and maintain control.
#4 Life is hard
This life is not easy. Just like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz we may see the path but it may not be so easy. All she had to do was follow the yellow brick road, but there were many curves and difficulties she had to encounter on the way to get back home. We will be walking our path and all of a sudden a death of a loved one, or a relationship falls aparts, or our vehicle breaks down. We don’t plan on these things but they still happen. We must keep moving forward though, through all the pain and hurt until we reach the other side.
#5 This world cannot heal your wounds
We know life is hard. What do we do in response? He chose to go to the world and find drugs and alcohol to find relief from the pain felt. I knew some people in high school that would cut theirselves to get rid of the pain. For myself, I stay so busy that I don’t have the time to think about all the hard things happening in my life. I have learned throughout the years that no matter your method when things go back to normal that pain is still there. You must then use your preferred method of relief all over again. Its a cycle that never ends. Let’s stop the cycle today. Turn to Jesus and let Him heal your wounds instead of looking to the world.
#6 How to be loyal
Loyalty is a rare thing to witness these days. He was one of the first people I ever witnessed to show true loyalty to others. There were people that would do and say things that would hurt him deeply. He would maintain his loyalty to those people throughout it all. Most people only stay loyal to others when they are benefiting from it. True loyalty is remaining loyal no matter the circumstances. I pray that we would all make the choice to be loyal to those around us.
#7 Always talk well about others
This is one of the greatest things that we can do for others. What we say about others affects how people view them. Our words can destroy relationships and much more. Especially here recently I have seen words being used in a negative light to describe him. We all make mistakes and he was no exception. His mistakes do not change the good person that he was.
#8 There is more to the story
There is always more to every story. Some would look on from the outside and say that he just had a drug problem. A problem that could have been helped if only he would have seeked the help. There was a deeper problem though. He was unable to cope with the unfair hand he had been dealt in life. His drug problems became apparent only after he had lost everything that was important to him. He lost his family. I imagine the psychological pain of losing them was unbearable. Needing some sort of relief for the pain, he discovered something that would temporarily ease the pain. No matter how much he tried the relationship with his family never improved causing the pain to only worsen. There is always more to someones story so let’s try not to judge only by our limited knowledge. We never know the weight that others are carrying everyday.
#9 How to love others
Our love for one another speaks volumes. Jesus even said people will know you are my followers by the love you have for one another. Of all the things I witnessed this is the greatest. In everything I saw him do, it seemed to be from a place of love. We may have become annoyed or frustrated at his attempts but they were all done from a place of love. I watched him continue to reach out to others who didn’t want anything to do with him. He never gave up. He just lovingly forgave and tried to reconnect again. He always gave his friends another chance even when we didn’t understand why he did so. He would always go out of his way to help his family and friends whenever they were in need. I continually watched him love others in ways that I am unable to. His example makes us all want to be more loving towards each other and makes us sometimes regret not showing him more love while he was here. We became so frustrated with the drug use and effects at times that we struggled to show him love as we could have. I will now strive to love others as he did…Unconditionally.
#10 Addiction comes in all shapes and sizes
What is addiction? The more I think about it, the more I think that addiction is something that we turn to when things get difficult. We must do it in order to press on when our lives get hard. Sometimes its drugs or alcohol. Sometimes its a session of binge eating your favorite junk food. Once it happens, we feel better for a while until life gets difficult again. I have a few things that I turn to when that happens. I’m sure you do too. Let’s start to change our mindset. Now addiction only seems to matter when we turn to drugs or alcohol. It is no healthier for us to continuously binge eat in the evenings. Obesity and heart disease is at an all time high. Could this coping mechanism of binge eating be one of the causes? Its hard to tell.
This week has been one of much reflection. I do know that he was one of the most loving and generous people I have ever known. He was always true about who he was and that stood out to all that knew him. I believe we are all better for getting to know him. He was an important person in my life and all ten of these things taught me more than I imagined. His example turned me into the person I am today. That allows part of him to live on. As long as I’m here, he will be also.
Rest in peace, our dear friend.
Patricia Perri 
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